When I think about my intention behind running a retreat that focuses on woman and woman's issues, I could babble off a lot of hot topic buzz words that we can all connect to in a very generic way. But If you know me, generic just wont cut it. I can only speak from personal experience what it is like to push against cultural and societal feminine conditions and rolls. When you overcome spending the majority of your life feeling and thinking that everything about your person is wrong you learn a thing or two, and the best way for me to express myself is by my word and soliloquy.
For a very long time all I wanted was to be loved. I wanted to be consumed. I wanted someone who would look at me in awe thinking I was the only one, the greatest gift to earth. I wanted to be adored and I wanted to be held. I wanted someone to understand me and to love me for all that I am and all that I am not. I so desperately wanted love. But there was one thing missing, I had no idea how to love myself. I had no idea what love really was, I had no idea that I would only receive the love I thought I deserved. And what did I deserve? I thought nothing of myself, my esteem was so non-existent that the love I sought after was disastrous. Fickle hearts with fickle minds. Slowly taking away my soul. Emotionally unavailable, using myself, my body, to feel love. To think that sex is the only way for a man to love me, thinking sex was the only thing I was useful for, only thing I could ever provide for someone else. But, wait. What about love, grand gestures of love? HOW. HOW. HOW. How do I get to be a lucky one? How do I get to have support and love and kindness? Failure after failure, I just gave up. I was sick of making myself feel worthless, I was sick of dealing with people who didn't appreciate me or look at me with eyes of wander. So I quit. I quit seeking out relationships that did not serve me and had a deep look into myself. My system of unloved left me salty and gasping for air, and I had a lot of questions. Questions, I didn't even know the answers to, answers I didn't even have questions for, but when I looked into the bottom of myself I knew one thing. I needed to know how to love myself, I needed to look at myself awestruck every morning, and love the person staring back at me. A declaration while standing on the straw that broke my camels back, “I will stop searching for love and acceptance in everyone else and proudly and courageously love myself.” And so began my gauntlet, fighting against every label, societal condition and insecurity I've felt.
When you stop hating yourself so much, you begin to see hope and possibility as friends and companions. While, Boundaries become the stabilizing foundation of self-love and not the emotional neediness you once believed.
I could go on about how I overcame all my struggles as a woman but that story is still unfolding, and your story might be just beginning. Women’s empowerment to me is fully accepting yourself, your body, your voice and your needs. My story is unique to me, and while yours might be entirely different there is one thing that holds us all together; the desire to believe that we don't have to wear our hurt like armor, our words as cunning swards to safely protect our fragile little hearts and souls. Stepping into the fearless feminine is a commitment to yourself and the future to redefine and inspire what its like to be a woman.
If you are ready to rise above insecurities, fears, doubts and shame please join us in Tulum, Mexico for a yoga retreat that will ignite your power.
Click here to check out the RISE Women's Retreat with Naomi Zelin, April 16th to 20th.